Horror Movie Turkeys for Thanksgiving

The leaves are falling, the air is cold, the time is changing…Christmas is right around the corner, right?

Wrong! You’re forgetting about the stuffing, the turkey, the cranberry sauce, the screaming matches with your cousin; you’re forgetting about Thanksgiving! It really is the most overlooked holiday, but we’re here to fix that.

If you’re worried about what ridiculous movies you could possibly watch as you lounge around after the fifteenth slice of pumpkin pie, fret no longer! Here are five gems guaranteed to make you thankful – well, at least thankful you weren’t involved in funding them. Or that you weren’t on the menu yourself!

1. Thankskilling

Watch Thankskilling now with Amazon Video On DemandThankskilling has started making the rounds on the Internet, savoring the much sought after “must watch as it’s so bad it’s good” reputations. Featuring a smart aleck killer turkey offing college kids and loads of laughs (not to mention gravy), the movie was made for approximately 5 bucks but with a lot of love…well, maybe the “love” you experience around the dining room table Thanksgiving Day. Check it out for the crazy puppet and the abundance of one-liners.

2. Blood Freak

Amazon Buy Blood Freak Now on DVDSpeaking of turkeys, try this one on for size. When a biker picks up a girl with a flat tire and escorts her to her mad scientist dad’s turkey farm, he’s quickly turned into a giant turkey monster, bent on killing drug dealers across the land!

When the main character is named after the Godfather of Gore, H.G. Lewis, you know you’re in for a crimson hued treat. Just make sure to keep your tongue firmly smashed into your cheek when the paper mache turkey head makes its appearance.

3. Home Sweet Home (1981)

Amazon Buy Home Sweet Home Now on DVDRemember “Body by Jake?” The fitness trainer guy that did all those infomercials back in the day? Did you ever see him and think he looked like a psycho killer?

Well, somebody did, and they made a movie about it. That movie is called Home Sweet Home. It stars Mr. Jake Steinfeld as an escaped mental patient who decides to make a happy little family’s Thanksgiving dinner a living hell. By all accounts it’s just a typical, boring slasher, but it’s like watching a movie and getting a workout all at the same time!

Fun fact: Steinfeld’s catch phrase is apparently “Don’t quit.” Unfortunately, this didn’t help him with his film career.

4. ThanXgiving

The big draw for this unfortunately titled flick is it stars Ari Lehman, who played the original Jason Voorhees. You know, the 5 second scare at the end of the film where he jumps out of the water? Yeah, him. Well, now he’s all grown up, and appearing in stuff like ThanXgiving. Oh, how the mighty have…moved sideways.

The story: bunch of kids go into an abandoned campground to make a movie and something something blah blah blah. Presumably, they are eaten for Thanksgiving by the crazy man on the box. We’d tell you how it is, but it’s not the easiest movie to find. If you run across a copy, good luck!

5. Scalps

Watch Scalps now with Amazon Video On DemandWe’ve been told how since we were kids how Thanksgiving is all about the love between the Pilgrims and the Indians. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true, if at all. So now it’s time for a little red-skinned revenge!

The Fred Olen Ray directed masterpiece Scalps features a scalping, a decapitation, and some weird lion thing that doesn’t make any sense. Not the best movie in the world, but good to put on the background as you stuff your face with another plate of squash casserole while you try to ignore your mother asking why you’re not married yet.


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